Alexa, What’s a Bad Bitch
In her book, Amber Rose describes a bad bitch as a self-respecting, strong female who has everything together. This consists of body, mind, finances, and attitude; a woman who gets her way by any means necessary.
Through the last 5 years, I have been in and out of my bad bitch mode. There were times that I let my finances crumble, my mind distracted, my attitude spoiled, and put my health on the back-burner.
We all have our moments.
After a slow process of introspection and detaching myself from bad habits, I have learned to embrace the journey of unbecoming — when you let go of everything that the world has turned you into and you get back to the core of the person you always were.
Here are the steps I took to become the bad bitch I always knew I am:
I made an excel sheet of my monthly expenses and moved all of my bills to be due the day I get paid, that way all of my money goes to what needs to be paid for. I also started giving myself a spending allowance that's deposited on a separate debit card, whatever I don't spend that month, I can roll it over to next month's budget. 25-27 was the most broke years of my life and I didn't understand why or how until I started organizing my finances. I was spending my money recklessly on things like new sneakers, or brunch, or day drinking with friends when I should have been paying off my taxes from being a contractor or the credit card debt I accumulated because an ex-boyfriend I lived with wasn't holding his end of the bargain. I started becoming ashamed of being broke that it decapitated me from making smart financial decisions. I never realized how sheltered I always was until I had to teach myself how to thrive and live comfortably. That was a great lesson on being happy with what you have.
I moved out of the cutest apartment I was renting with my roommate. We had great times in that apartment but I needed to be by myself. I didn't want to become a rotten person who bottled up all of her feelings for stupid mundane things because I always avoid confrontation. Sometimes, even the simple little things can pile up if you don't address them head-on, you will end up spilling all of your issues in a single word vomit and it will escalate. I also needed a home that's mine, that I can decorate and take care of however I wanted. I've been living by myself again for 6 months now and it has been really nice establishing my own routine and following my own rules in my own home.
I stopped drinking alcohol for 6 months and have cut back on smoking weed. Alcohol is fun, I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss it but I have come to realize that I only miss the reckless fun I have with it. It is also terrible for my skin. Ever since I stopped drinking and cut all beer and wine, my rosacea got better. And I have never felt better physically. My dad is highly allergic to alcohol, I should have just listened to my body all those years I felt like death after a night of drinking. I also used to smoke every night (insomnia), but I only smoke now when I go out or have had a stressful day or if I'm on vacation. I really felt like alcohol and weed made me lazy and made my mind distracted.
I started working out again. I swim at least 3 times a week at the Echo Park Deep Pool and it has been amazing. I hate going to the gym, I hate running, I don't follow through with any workout routine but I love being in the water. I was a competitive swimmer in school and it was the only sport I was really passionate about. It's crazy because ever since I started swimming, that also fixed my insomnia.
My body is my temple, and I have taken that to heart. I try to eat better now, I plan my meals for the week (this also helps me budget). I’m not the best cook in the world but I try to keep it simple. My meal prep for work typically consists of rice, chicken and brussel sprouts mixed with balsamic glaze. When I’m lazy I just make pasta with tomato sauce, capers and anchovies or alfredo sauce with shrimp or bacon bits.
Speaking of my body is a temple, I stopped entertaining fuckboys. Once you realize how valuable you are and how valuable your time is, you really stop giving two shits about men who don't respect you enough. Anytime a guy shows me his true colors, I take it as it is and don't make excuses for them anymore, NEXT.
I got a financial advisor. Apart from my 401k, I am in the process of working out a Roth IRA account. I am also saving up for retirement with a short term and long term life insurance. A bad bitch got herself til her death bed. Sometime in the last year of my 20’s I have come to terms with my own mortality. When I was younger it seemed like I had all the time in the world to figure things out. It’s pretty grim accepting death while you are alive but in a way it’s also quite freeing. I don’t stress too much anymore about my family because I know I’m prepared for the unexpected and they won’t have to worry about me.
Part of the self care that I do is meditate every day, journal, buy myself flowers or plants every 2 weeks, and do face masks and a hair mask twice a week. The one thing that makes me feel like I’m ready for anything though is a full wax. So down for the feminist hair revolution, if that’s what you’re into — more power to you! But I personally like feeling smooth and silky everywhere, aerodynamics baby (for swimming duh).
I used to get waxed at the salon until I discovered Gigi’s Brazilian Body Wax set. It saves me money and something about the whole process of stripping your own hair is therapeutic and oddly feels quite empowering. It’s painful, but I’ll take it over getting razor bumps and in grown hair any day. Every time I give myself a brazilian wax the inner me is screaming “YASS BITCH!”. It’s also a better alternative for your underarms, legs and wherever you don’t want hair on your body.
You can get a full kit as pictured on Amazon: https://amzn.to/39VAKDI
*this was written and saved as a draft on March 2019 and edited a year later and published on March 2020 .